Spankers: Me Likey

Someone just turned me on to this Austin-based band. They're new protest song is really popular on YouTube right now. Here tis...

Madonna Saint to One

Photo via Gallery of the Absurd

Oh good Lord! This is getting ridiculous. So Madonna adopted a kid from Africa. Something about this just seems self-serving. One hopes she and her husband chose to do this because they wanted to adopt a child, THIS child. And one hopes they don't care what we all think about it. And one very very fervantly hopes that this wasn't, you know, to make some sort of political statement or to "raise awareness." We've already got our token celebrities-who-adopt-kids-from- Third-World-countries-to-make-a-statement couple (Brangelina). No more!

I can just imagine a conversation in a therapist's office on the Upper East Side 20 years from now. Angsty Adopted African: "And then she said, 'Son, I adopted you to shine a light on the problems of Africa and your country, uh, Malaga, I think it was?' And," he continues, "I have to go to every State Dinner in my (air quotes employed) "home country" for the rest of my life, where I know no one and don't speak the language. And the ceremonial beads they keep giving me aren't the kind of thing you wear at Nobu. No wonder I have a meth problem!"

The kid's only one, and already doomed to be some sort of symbol instead of just a child. Good luck kid.

Foley Shocked to Discover DC Not Like Vegas At All

Foley, Foley, Foley. Despite what you may have heard, what happens on the Internet NEVER stays on the Internet. And ew--thank God someone spilled the beans on your ickiness. Little patriots all over the country are weeping into their pillows because Mom and Pop won't let them come to DC and serve as a page in Congress for fear of getting diddled by one of America's elected leaders! Ew ew ew!

Oh sure. You have a problem. You're an alcoholic. Just like this guy, this guy, oh and this guy. (Not sure that last one's gonna take.) So you run off to rehab and get some help (please!), but don't expect your Republican buddies to back you up. Even the Washington Times (Oh my God, I just linked to the Times) wants Hastert to resign because he didn't catch you sooner.

It's not clear yet who knew what when, but if lots of people were covering up Foley's "problem," then they're part of the problem too and need to pay the price.