Foley Shocked to Discover DC Not Like Vegas At All

Foley, Foley, Foley. Despite what you may have heard, what happens on the Internet NEVER stays on the Internet. And ew--thank God someone spilled the beans on your ickiness. Little patriots all over the country are weeping into their pillows because Mom and Pop won't let them come to DC and serve as a page in Congress for fear of getting diddled by one of America's elected leaders! Ew ew ew!

Oh sure. You have a problem. You're an alcoholic. Just like this guy, this guy, oh and this guy. (Not sure that last one's gonna take.) So you run off to rehab and get some help (please!), but don't expect your Republican buddies to back you up. Even the Washington Times (Oh my God, I just linked to the Times) wants Hastert to resign because he didn't catch you sooner.

It's not clear yet who knew what when, but if lots of people were covering up Foley's "problem," then they're part of the problem too and need to pay the price.